Hi Pixyt!
I am really sorry to hear that you are so down about your health right now. I just want you to know that I feel the same way all the time.
I think it's really good that you are seeking support on this online forum. For me, the best way to control my sugars is to be totally honest with myself and the people around me. I've been type 1 for 25 years and when my sugars start to get out of control I turn into a little girl again, changing the glucose results in the log and acting like I feel fine when I'm not.
I think that admiting your anxieties and being open about your situation will help you. Best of luck, and drink black coffee when you are hungry!
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