Hi Hi :-)
I've read somewhere that your postprandial BGs should never really go up over 80mg/dL even if you're on insulin (assuming you give yourself the correct dose at the correct time). So you might need to play around with your ICR (insulin:carb ratio) and ISF (insulin sensitivity factor) or the timing. I truly think sliding scales are very old school. You should have an exact ISF and be able to do the math - so for example, if you are 220mg/dL and your ISF is 1u:40mg/dL, then you'd give yourself 3.5u to bring yourself down to 80mg/dL.
Honestly, if your goal is to get pregnant, you really should consider going on the pump again since it will help you gain tighter control with the hour to hour basal patterns. As you know, you can also change your ISF and ICR based on time of day, and give yourself fractions of units. It will also calculate how much insulin you have "on board" so that you don't "stack" insulin and wind up going low later on.
I'm not saying your current method doesn't work, but you might want to reconsider the pump to gain even tighter control. You will also benefit from a CGM since you seem to be afraid to go low with higher rapid acting doses. A CGM will also show you rising rapidly after meals so you can give yourself a little extra insulin if you feel maybe you bolused wrong (happens to me all the time).
As you know, your A1c needs to be below 7% several months BEFORE you get pregnant, and especially during your first trimester, otherwise the risk for birth defects are 4x. I don't mean to scare you with this, but I think it's important to consider that you might find it is necessary if you want to get pregnant. Also, you need to consider the effect of your raging hormones!
Have you tried Humalog or Novolog instead of Apidra? They're all rapid acting, but one might work better than the other for you.
Have you ever heard of a drug called Symlin? I was on it for a while and it REALLY helped with postprandial spikes - it's a synthetic form of Amylin, another hormone produced by the beta cells, and it slows gastric emptying and the absorption of carbs. You might want to ask your Endo about it and see if you can experiment. A CGM would be really helpful with this though since a major adverse effect is extreme lows.
Also, you might get a lot out of sticking to a lower glycemic index diet. So you wouldn't necessarily go low carb, but you'd avoid things that make you spike quickly.
Lastly, I suggest getting your exercise in first thing in the morning. I'm a very active endurance athlete and work out 6 days a week, and find that the less insulin I have on board from a day of managing diabetes, the less risk I have going low. Try getting up earlier and getting your workouts in before breakfast and before work... I find it really helps me. I have way more lows if I workout during lunch or in the evenings.
Just a few thoughts... good luck!